Growing up I hated math and science. Hated them. Like, cried when I had to do homework hated them. I was just so, so, SO bad with numbers and…other smart stuff. I always liked writing and I loved any and all art classes I took – just wasn’t good at it. I think part of it was a patience thing. Why was I going to spend all that time creating something that would just end up on the fridge? And really, my parents were more about putting up good grades than good art (not that I gave them any of that – whoooops). But now that I’m almost 25, and looking back on my childhood (cue dramatic pause), I wonder if the reason why I wasn’t good at artsy stuff was because…um…I couldn’t eat it?

Because lord knows I will spend all day kneading some dough and eating some bread. These are just facts. And the thing about food is that I’ll eat it even if it doesn’t look like a work of art. My creative successes are based off of taste thankyouverymuch.

Projects in the kitchen are my thing. Give me some flour, butter and a bowl and I’ll create something. But sometimes I need to be challenged. I need to do something that is completely out of my comfort zone, and for no other reason than that. Sometimes when things get super crazy in my life I just have to prove to myself that I can do crazy things. This weekend? I made pasta. Crazy-looking pasta.

From scratch.

The whole process was really, really cool. Essentially pasta is just flour and eggs. You hear that, people?! TWO INGREDIENTS. Flour. Eggs.

Sorry vegans.

To be completely honest with you guys, I never cared about the taste of this. It wasn’t about eating a huge bowl of fresh pasta at the end (although that was a plus, duh). It wasn’t even about making something beautiful (the picture below can attest to that). No, this was more about dedicating an afternoon to flour, eggs and my counter. It’s amazing how much you don’t think about when you’re kneading dough for eight minutes.

Okay kids, grab your aprons and clean off your counter. You’re about to make magic.

Handmade Pasta ( inspired by Google, YouTube, various magazine articles, etc) – serves 3

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour + more for dusting

3 extra-large eggs

1/2 t olive oil (optional)

Measure out two cups of flour onto your clean counter. Make a well with your fingers, creating a “flour wall” that is about an inch high. Crack your eggs straight into that well. Drizzle in the oil if using.

Carefully start beating the eggs with a fork, slowly allowing a little flour at a time to fall in and become incorporated. This takes time and patience. Do not think you can speed this up by just dumping all the flour in and going crazy. Patience, my dear friend. As you add more flour in you will start to see it come together like a dough – again, this is going to take a little time and most likely you will freak out and think you’re doing it wrong. I freaked out about twice before I saw the dough magically come together.

When there is no more runny egg left, drop the fork and get those hands to work. Start kneading the dough bringing more flour in as you go. I kept the extra 1/2 cup flour around to incorporate as I saw fit. In the end you want a ball that looks like the first picture above. If your dough looks a little dry, add some water. If it looks a little wet, add some flour. Have fun with it! Continue kneading for 6-8 minutes.

Once you have the dough all kneaded together (it should still be a little tacky, but smooth and elastic) wrap it in plastic wrap and let it sit on the counter for 30 minutes. Go rest your arms because you will need your strength later.

After 30 minutes unwrap the dough and knead a few more times on the counter. Cut dough in half and wrap one piece in plastic while you roll out the other. Making sure you have a large space to work on, dust a little flour on your surface. Begin rolling your dough, flipping and flouring as you go. You need to roll it super, super thin but don’t let it stick to the counter. Once it is thin enough ( you should be able to see your hand, or a magazine cover under it) you’re ready to cut!

I used a pizza roller to make fettuchini sized noodles. As you see in the photos above I don’t have steady hands, so they look all sorts of crazy. Frankly, I loved that. I dusted mine with flour a little before I cooked them and I think it helped them not stick together.

To cook: Bring a large pot of water to boil. Add salt and drop in your pasta – make sure you have a lot of room in the pot. You might have to do two batches – no biggie. Cook for 2 – 3 minutes until al dente.

You, my dear, just made pasta.

Well you’re wrong. Close, but still wrong. I eat healthy things too sometimes! I’m one of those people who loves food so much it doesn’t matter the calorie count! 50? 500? Whatever. Just get it in my face.

I actually eat quinoa about twice a week because it’s easy to make, I can add whatever I want to it and – most importantly – it makes me feel trendy and hipster-ish. Luckily, I can buy it at my regular grocery store so I don’t have to go to some health food store for it. I don’t really fit in at stores like that. I’m pretty sure a huge sign follows me around saying ” She doesn’t belong here! She ate popcorn and cookies for dinner last night!”

I actually become anxious when I walk into a Whole Foods for this very reason. Yikes.

If you’ve never had quinoa before I really think you’re missing out. It might not look like much, but it’s suuuuuper good for you and will taste like whatever you put into it. I had to get over the texture the first few times I had it, but after that we became friends. Best friends, really. Although I do have one teeny tiny problem with it though. It’s totally not a big deal, but it does kind of irk me.

Quinoa is the most unphotogenic food ever. EVER. I tried, you guys, I really tried. Unfortunately it kind of looks like fancy dog food. But I promise you it does not taste like fancy dog food (because I know what that tastes like?) so I need you guys to trust me on this one. I’ll come back with pretty things later.

Southwestern Quinoa (serves 4)

1 cup dry quinoa

2 cups chicken stock (or vegetable stock, water, etc)

1 t olive oil

1/2 red onion, chopped finely

1/2 red bell pepper, chopped finely

2 garlic cloves, minced

1/4 t dried oregano

1 t ground cumin

1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1 cup corn (fresh or frozen – thaw if frozen)

salt & pepper to taste

cilantro (optional)

Add quinoa and stock to a medium sized pot. Bring to boil, cover and simmer for 20 minutes or until all the liquid is absorbed. Set aside.

In another (big!) pan, heat the olive oil on medium heat. Add the onions and red pepper and saute until soft, about four minutes. Add the garlic and cook for another 30 seconds. Add oregano and cumin and stir for a minute. If the mixture looks a little dry you can add a little bit more oil. Add in beans and corn and let cook for five minutes, stirring occasionally. Finally, add in quinoa and combine everything together. Season with salt and pepper. Top with chopped cilantro if desired.

Serve! Can be eaten hot or at room temperature.

I need one to go with the million gallons of salsa I made. Whoops.

I mean, who knew three cans of tomatoes would make so.much.salsa. I’m going to go ahead and give you the full recipe in case, you know, you have an army coming over this weekend. But if you’re making this for a normal amount of people (or, um, yourself) I highly recommend halving this recipe. Possibly fourthing. Frankly, I’m just not sure enough chips exist in the world to take care of this salsa.

Am I being dramatic? Kind of. But not really. The salsa that’s been sitting in my fridge desperately waiting to be eaten doesn’t think I’m being dramatic. Either does my stomach, which has now had chips and salsa for dinner the last four days.

I’m really not that picky about my salsa – so I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s the best salsa in the world. Because, really? I’ll pretty much eat anything on a chip. No lie. I can be kind of a pill about guacamole and hummus, but I find myself enjoying all types of salsa. Chunky, smooth, whatever. As long as it’s sassy and spicy I’m going to like it. What? Salsa can totally be sassy!

This is the type of salsa you would get a restaurant. Not too chunky, no crazy flavors. Just the perfect salsa to enjoy with friends on a Friday night during those happy hours that manage to last until 2 a.m. Happy, happy, happy.

So seriously, who has a margarita?

Homemade salsa (from The Pioneer Woman)

1 28oz can whole tomatoes

2 10oz cans diced tomatoes w/ green chilis

1/2 cup chopped onion

2 garlic gloves, minced

1-2 jalapenos, sliced (depending on how spicy you like your salsa)

1/4 t sugar

1/4 t salt

1/2 t ground cumin

1/2 cup cilantro

Juice from 1/2 a lime

Dump everything into a blender or food processor and blend, blend, blend! I had to do two batches because, again, this makes A TON of salsa. Allow to sit for at least an hour to allow all the flavors to mingle and get delicious. Keep tightly covered in fridge.

I feel like I’m at this point in my life where I can’t really figure out how I’m suppose to act yet. I’m still straddling that line between kid and adult.

For example:

I’m either asleep by 9 p.m. or up until 2 a.m.

I ran my first 5K a few weekends ago, but the only reason I signed up was because I would be covered in multi-colored powder at the end of it.

Wearing dark lipstick makes me feel like my mother (which isn’t a bad thing because she’s fabulous) but lip gloss makes me feel like I’m in my high school bathroom talking about the cute boys in my social studies class. Bonus points if it smells like strawberries.

I like classic makeup. And glitter nail polish.

I drink coffee all morning and eat candy all afternoon.

I told my dad I could do my taxes on my own and then called him 3475092490 times in the process.

I have a food blog and spend my weekends trying to develop new recipes, and then call my mom and ask her how to boil eggs. Seriously.

I can’t stand the words totes, presh and obvs, yet I say legit about 20 times a day.

I take vitamins. Of the gummy variety.

I constantly need a beer. And a cupcake.

Good thing I can put beer IN cupcakes.

Blue Moon Cupcakes ( from Miss Make) makes 12 cupcakes – amazing cupcakes

6 T butter, softened

1/2 cup + 6 T sugar

1 1/4 cups flour

1 1/4 t baking powder

1/4 t salt

2 eggs

1/2 t vanilla

1/4 t orange zest

1/2 c blue moon*

1/8 cup milk

red + yellow food coloring (optional)

Preheat oven to 375. Mix flour, baking powder and salt in a small bowl and set aside.

Beat butter until creamy. Add in sugar and beat until fully incorporated. Add eggs in one at a time, beating after each one. Mix in vanilla and food coloring, if using. I found that about 2 drops of red + 10 drops of yellow made the orange color I was looking for.

Mix together the milk and beer.

Alternate between adding the dry ingredients and the milk/beer mixture – beginning and ending with dry.

Fill your cupcake liners about 2/3 full. Bake for 18 minutes. Let cool completely before frosting. I just mixed a little bit of fresh orange juice into store bough buttercream frosting. I have nothing against making my own frosting BUT I don’t own an electric mixer of any kind…and I’m pretty sure my whisk (and arm) would die if I tried to do it by hand.

*This recipe does not use an entire bottle of beer. This means you might have to drink the rest at 10 a.m. on a Saturday morning. It’s okay, do it in the name of cupcakes.

Also this has alcohol in it. So I assume I’m forgiven?

There’s really no recipe for this one. All you have to do is go to Target and buy a $1 heart-shaped ice cube tray. Fill said tray with any red or pink colored liquid that freezes – I chose pomegranate soda that was on sale – and voila(!) you have heart-shaped ice.

Then pour your favorite champagne over a hearts (honestly people, go cheap here) and drink until you can’t feel feelings anymore.

Just kidding.

Drink because tomorrow is about love, and you love drinking. Drink because it’s Monday. Drink because you miss Whitney Houston.

Drink because you love someone.

Better yet, drink because you love yourself and I love you and life is great.

Ever had just one of those weeks? I have absolutely no idea why this week has been bad, but it has. It’s like this weird feeling I can’t shake. Nothing has changed since last week, yet I just want to hide from the world. Today I realized that I had sent ridiculous text to two people (my mother being one of them) thinking they were the other person. Does that make sense?

No? Well either did these texts I sent them. They both replied and I still didn’t realize it. Finally today, TWO DAYS LATER, I saw what I did and wanted to slam my head into a wall. It’s a totally stupid thing to be upset over, but for whatever reason it’s been eating at me for the past seven hours. I mean,  when my mom asked how the food she sent home with me over the weekend was, I said “seriously, the whole thing was a little unnecessarily awkward but maybe it’s just me?”

Um, what the WHAT?! I meant to say “It’s all good”, but that went to my friend who was suppose to get the awkward text. Really? Talk about awkward.  I feel like I should call them both to apologize and explain myself, but I kind of think they’re over it because they’re not completely crazy. Also, because they have lives. Oh! And, I actually did talk to my mom yesterday and she didn’t bring it up…which means she thought it was a normal response from me. Slightly upsetting. And if you’re wondering, her food was amazing. Not unnecessarily awkward.

So that was today. Yesterday was pretty dumb too. When I got home from work I just wanted to crawl into my bed and listen to ‘Someone Like You” on repeat, but instead of doing that I cleaned my apartment because mess stresses me the eff out. Also, I thought doing something adult-like would make me feel better. Not that crying while listening to the most overplayed song on the radio isn’t something an adult would do. Anybody with a heart would do that. Obviously.

Anyway, while cleaning, I came across two suuuuuuper ripe bananas. Gross. You guys, I rarely buy bananas soley because I know I’ll forgot to eat them and then I’ll find them weeks later all spotty and ugly and I just can’t deal. But this time, in the midst of my almost-panic attack, I picked them up and set them on my counter next to the flour and sugar.

Yep, that’s right. After that ridiculous texting story you’re still getting a recipe.

But wait, first I had to finish cleaning. I cleaned this stupid apartment from top to bottom. From wall to wall to wall to the other wall. From kitchen to bathroom to bedroom. Perfect.

Then I baked this cake and spilled flour all over the flour. PERFECT.

Banana Snack Cake (from How Sweet Eats) – makes one 8×8 pan

1 egg

1/3 cup brown sugar

2 t vanilla

2 ripe bananas, mashed (original recipe calls for 3, fyi)

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour

1 t baking powder

1/2 t cinammon

1/4 t salt

3 T butter, melted and cooled

Preheat oven to 350. Spray your pan with baking spray.

Whisk egg and brown sugar until smooth and creamy. Add in vanilla and mashed banana and mix until incorporated. The banana will still be a little lumpy – it’s cool. Add in flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. Lastly, stir in melted butter. Pour into pan and bake for 20 minutes.

P.S. I made this cake last night, but took the photos during my lunch break today. Below is what happened between that time. No shame.

*I am fully aware that my life isn’t really that hard. I know other people have it worse than me – I totally get that. Sometimes a girl just has to complain a little, you know? Also, laugh. Life is funny.

But let it be known that I’m not obsessed with Valentine’s Day. I mean, I like it just fine but it’s not a big deal. The best part about it really is that all this cute heart stuff goes on sale and I have an excuse to bake more than I normally do. Like how other people use holidays as an excuse to drink? I use them to bake. And drink.

These were suppose to be legit funfetti donuts, but when I mixed the sprinkles into the batter it turned pink. This is obviously because I only had pink and red sprinkles. I’m about 95 percent sure if you use regular multi-colored sprinkles this won’t happen. Either way,  it’s okay. Because you made homemade donuts and that’s cool. Super cool.

Even cooler if you share them. Give them away. Show somebody you care. Why don’t we have a holiday for that? Giving our friends things because we love them.

Oh wait, that’s what birthdays are for. Which is exactly why I made these donuts. Hi Megan!

But you know what? Why wait for a birthday? I challenge you to make something and give it someone you love. Anyone you love. Just because you love them. It doesn’t have to be perfect. I mean, look at these hearts – so not perfect!

And really, what love is perfect?

Okay, now I’m just being creepy. Sorry.

Funfetti donuts – adapted from the recipe that came with the donut pan (makes 12 – 16 donuts)

2 cups cake flour

3/4 cup sugar

2 t baking powder

1 t salt

3/4 cup milk ( I used whole, buttermilk actually works best)

2 eggs

2 T melted butter

1 t vanilla

1/4 – 1/3 cup sprinkles (depending on how fun you want these!)

Preheat oven to 375. Spray donut pan with baking spray.

Mix together flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Stir in milk, eggs, butter and vanilla. Gently, gently, GENTLY fold in sprinkles. If they turn the batter pink just roll with it. No biggie.

Fill each donut well about 2/3 of the way full. If you fill it up too much you get the puffy ones above. Again, no biggie.

Bake for 10 minutes. Remove and let cool in pan for a few minutes before turning out onto wire rack.

Glaze

2 cups powdered sugar

1/4 cup milk

1 t vanilla

Mix all ingredients in a small saucepan on low heat. Dip each donut into glaze and swirl around a bit. Let set on a wire rack with foil under it to catch the drippings. Let sit for at least 30 minutes so glaze can harden up.

I really hate that.

One would think chocolate would always be a good idea. Until it’s not. Kind of.

I hope you love peppermint bark as much as I do. If you don’t, you might as well leave now before you hear me whine about a heart shaped ice cube tray.

That’s literally the best looking one I got. Out of 12.

I made this peppermint bark a while back, but I didn’t deem it blog worthy. The idea was totally blog worthy, but the final product was a little muddy and just not as cute as I had intended. I mean, they aren’t awful, but I wouldn’t go around throwing these to all the people I love. I was really excited about it because they were going to be all heart-shaped and perfect for Valentine’s Day and we could all give them out as gifts and live happily ever after! But then they turned out all notcute and I was a little crushed. Drama. But then after some thought (and about 1840209345 pieces of peppermint bark) I realized it was worthy. Anything good enough to eat should be on here – even if it’s not beautiful, right?

Eh, kind of. I have these cupcakes I’m working on and I refuse to let them see the light of day until they are the most adorable little cakes you’ve ever seen. But, listen, I promise there is a method to my madness.

Back to the bark now.

Target is single handedly trying to ruin me with their dollar bins. Like, it’s just rude. They know I can’t resist anything heart shaped and they just keep shoving it in my face every single time I walk in that store. Ugh.

Measuring cups, measuring spoons, ice cube trays, bowls, bigger bowls, DONUT PANS. All heart shaped.

And that’s just in the kitchen! I have so many random heart things sitting around my apartment, it’s completely ridiculous. Ugh, again.

Hearts are just too precious. We should all just give up and accept that. We ( I)  should also accept that ice cube trays should be used for ice – not chocolate candies.

Anyway, this post is less recipe and more hereissomethingtodowithchocolatewhenyoudontwanttomakecookies. And for those of you who prefer your bark flat….you can totally join in the fun too.

Peppermint Bark – serves me for about a week

8 oz dark chocolate

8 oz white chocolate

1/2 cup crushed peppermint candies

1/4 t peppermint extract (optional)

Method one:

Melt dark chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl in 30 second intervals until it’s all melty and smooth (or use a double boiler – but, really, who does that?)*

Spread the melted chocolate in a thin layer on some wax paper. I normally do it on a small cookie sheet or a big dinner plate. Whatever will fit in your freezer. Then sprinkle the crushed peppermint all over the chocolate and stick in the freezer for about 20-25 minutes.

Melt the white chocolate the same way as above. Add the peppermint extract (if using) and gently stir. Pour the white chocolate over the dark and begin spreading it around. Make sure to work quickly because the cold dark chocolate will start to harden the white AND the warm white will start to melt the dark. It’s rude, really. By no means does this have to look perfect. And just so you know, getting this to work in any sort of ice cube tray is hard. Really, really hard.

Freeze again until everything is set. Break apart into pieces OR take out of $1 heart shaped ice cube tray and try to not have a meltdown because they don’t look perfect – it’s still delicious. Bark will stay in the fridge for as long as you can stand before you eat it all.

Method two:

Do everything exactly the same except instead of sprinkling the peppermint candies on the dark chocolate, stir them into the white chocolate. Most peppermint barks you’ll find in the stores are made this way.**

* I totally respect people who use double boilers.

** I used method two on the heart shaped ones but they didn’t look like the ones you’ll find at the store. Obviously. You’ve been warned.

I now want everything in donut form thankyouverymuch.

Blueberry muffins? Psh, more like blueberry donut.

Cornbread? Boring! Corndonut is more like it (it sounds gross but I’m sticking to my story).

Also, did you know donuts didn’t have to be filled with sugary goodness? I know, so weird. I learn so much sometimes.

Remember those muffins from the other day? And remember that friend I talked about who gave me the juice that punched me in the face? Well this same friend also came in one morning with a stack of recipes she wanted me to make. She’s a gem.

No, but seriously. It’s awesome. Not only does it give me more material for this blog, but it also gives me a chance to try new things. Also, DONUTS. Did I mention they’re baked? So anybody who ran away screaming at the thought of me being around a pot of hot oil can come back now. I know better than to try deep-fry anything in my tiny kitchen. Alone. I’ve kept the fire department from this place so far – let’s keep that going.

The original recipe she handed me called these “fonuts” because…they are fake donuts? I don’t know. I didn’t quite appreciate it so it’s back to donut. I also had to do some measurement overhaul because I bought a normal sized pan that makes six donuts instead of a mini one that makes 24. But listen, I’m just not into these mini-things. They’re cute and all, but I just don’t get it. Although I’m sure people who eat mini things also wear mini clothes. But if I was that concerned about mini clothes I wouldn’t have bought any sort of donut pan. Or started this blog. Or eaten chips and salsa for dinner tonight.

Whatever. DONUTS!

Rosemary olive oil donuts – adapted from Shape (makes 6 normal sized or 12 mini-donuts)

1 cup whole wheat pastry flour

6 T sugar

1/4 t salt

1 1/8 t baking powder

2 T fresh rosemary, finely minced

1 egg

6 T milk

1/8 cup vegetable oil

1/4 cup olive oil

1/2 t lemon zest

juice of 1/4 lemon

Preheat oven to 350.

Combine flour, sugar, salt, baking powder and rosemary in a mixing bowl. In a separate bowl whisk together egg, milk, oils, lemon juice and zest. Add wet ingredients to dry and stir to combine. Batter will be thick. Don’t worry about it.

Fill donut molds about 3/4 full – don’t fill them up to the top or you’ll get some funky shaped donuts. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

A woman was running back and forth across the gym. Like from the entrance to the other side of the gym – in between the ellipticals and the archtrainers (otherwise known as HELL). I couldn’t stop staring at her. I mean, isn’t that what treadmills are for? Running? And there was infact, an empty treadmill right next to me. So, yea.

Normally I’m not about making friends at the gym. I certainly don’t ignore people but that’s not really why I’m there. But the fact that this lady was running back and forth in front of me, as oppose to next to me, was actually really bothersome. I can admit that I don’t look awesome when I’m working out, but I certainly don’t look like Shrek. I wear decent workout clothes, if only because feeling cuter makes me want to workout more. My hair is kind of a mess, but I wear a headband and I’m pretty sure that’s on trend. AND I had gone straight from work which means I still had makeup on (not good for my skin, I know)! I like to think I’ve become a more graceful runner, but I could just be lying to myself. That doesn’t matter though – I run next to crazies all the time! So I managed to convince myself that this woman just had something against me. Obviously. I think the worst part was that nobody else seemed to mind. That’s when I really started to go crazy. There were all these open machines, a lady running wild and I was the only one who thought something weird was happening? I didn’t know I was paying $12 a month to lose my mind you guys! This is why I should workout at home. Alone.

The good news is that I was so consumed with this woman that I didn’t even realize I had worked out for longer than I normally do. So to the lady who would rather run around the gym than run next to me – my body thanks you. For now. I’ll probably be sore tomorrow.

Also, this has nothing to do with the recipe below. I just really wanted to tell that story to the internet.

So, sweet potatoes. Actually there is no good story to go with a sweet potato dish. Unless you want to hear about the tantrum I throw every time I have to cut the damn vegetable?

Believe me, the running lady story was better.

Oh, and if you really want to be cool, fry up an egg and serve it on top of this dish. It’ll make your Saturday morning – and this is coming from someone who doesn’t like eggs that much. Want to be uber cool? Drink it with a mimosa. Best brunch ever.

Sweet Potato Hash – inspired by Joy the Baker (serves 2)

3 cups sweet potato, diced ( I like to keep the skin on)

1 t ground cumin

3-4 t olive oil

1/2 red pepper, diced

1/2 yellow onion, diced

3 garlic cloves, minced

1/2 t paprika

1/2 t fennel seeds

2 green onions, chopped

1 link chicken sausage ( you can use any meat you want, or no meat at all!)

2 cups baby spinach

salt & pepper

Preheat oven to 400. Toss the diced potatoes ) with 1-2 t of oil, the cumin and salt and pepper. Lay them out on a baking sheet – try to get them in one layer. Bake for about 25 minutes, flip and bake for 15-20 more until the potatoes are roasted and browned on the edges. Set aside while you make everything else.

In a large pan heat the rest of the oil. If using, cook the sausage link until it’s completely seared on the outside. I normally cook it about halfway through, take it out of the pan, slice it up and then finish cooking – I find that it keeps the casing from burning before the inside finishes cooking. To avoid this hassle you could always just use precooked meat. Add the onions and red pepper to the meat and saute for a couple of minutes, until the onions are soft. Add in garlic, paprika and fennel seeds and saute for one more minute.

Add the potatoes to this mixture and let everything cook together. A few minutes before serving add in green onions and spinach. Turn the heat off and cover the pot so the spinach wilts a little.

Enjoy because it’s the weekend and you have time to make brunch! Or because it’s Tuesday night and you’re hungry!