365 Days

Exactly one year ago I bawled like a baby when my mom went to hug me. Then I cried in the car as my dad tried to ask me if I had remembered to pack everything I needed. Sniffled my way through security, and then sobbed as the plane took me to Phoenix (so much so that the sweet old lady next me asked if I needed a hug). In Phoenix, I sat in the airport for six hours as my flight got delayed hour after hour because Karl the Fog couldn’t get his act together. Then me and my life packed in three very large suitcases arrived. I will never forget that day, as it was the day TomKat announced their divorce, Adele announced she was pregnant and I moved to San Francisco.

I don’t know how I expected to feel after a year in this city. I know other people who just immediately flourish in new cities and around new people. Me? Not so much. It’s always taken me a little longer to flourish in…well, everything. And let’s be clear – I’ve been in one of the (arguably) most wonderful cities in the world for a year and am sitting in bed on a Friday night, watching Something’s Gotta Give, eating chocolate-covered pomegranate seeds and writing. Obviously, I’m still the same old Mansee. Charming, I know.

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I get asked a lot what made me move from Texas to SF. I like to “joke” and say I went through a quarter-life crisis last year and that’s what prompted this move. But really, that’s less of a joke and more of a “that’s really what happened because I’m crazy.” People said I was moving to “chase my dreams,” and in a way they were exactly right. Growing up, I always wanted to live in a big city. New York City was my first and only choice for a long time, but then I just started having dreams about SF (I’m serious. I’m crazy) and couldn’t shake it. When I decided that 2012 was the year of the move, I only applied for jobs here and in NY. I was at the point where I was thinking of nothing but my own happiness, and I will forever thank myself for that.

My year here has been far from perfect, but (cliché alert!) I’m so damn happy I can hardly stand it. Sometimes work was hard. Sometimes I miss my parents so much it hurt. Sometimes (a lot of times) I cried because I just didn’t know what to feel. And as depressing as all of that sounds, I still always knew that I felt right here. The kind of right I didn’t feel in Texas, but couldn’t actually explain to anybody (without sounding crazy. Because I am.). From the weekends spent in bed because I had zero plans with zero friends, to the day I met Rudy The Parrot, to the time I had to explain to a (possible) drug dealer that I would never, ever go have a burrito with him. It all just felt right.

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In all honesty, I don’t even know why I’m writing this right now. What started out as a blog with pictures of cookies and cupcakes has suddenly turned into this place where I come when I have ALL THE FEELINGS ( and pasta, sometimes). I’ll be the first one to admit that I am an incredibly lucky person. I’ve always had an absurd amount of love and support from my family, and my friends’ happiness for me made me cry the first night after I told everybody. I had a house to stay in for my first month here and a friend who I actually owe everything to because without him I wouldn’t be living in an apartment in one of the most fun neighborhoods in the city. While there was definitely hard work involved, luck had a lot to do with me being here right now. I really just wanted to put that out in the universe, and I hope I get the chance to help someone else like I have been helped. Everybody deserves to live out their dreams, right?

photo-6 copy 2Happy Anniversary, San Francisco. I think I might be falling for you.

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4 Comments

  1. Padmaj muzumdar

     /  June 29, 2013

    It makes me so happy to read this. Your dad and I always wanted this happiness for you. It warms our hearts to see you live your dream and wanting to thank and help others. That’s the young lady we raised. Love you sweetheart

    Reply
  2. svreug

     /  June 29, 2013

    Thank god you moved to sf, i couldn’t live without you or something’s gotta gIve.

    Reply
  3. Katie

     /  July 1, 2013

    Aw this made me want to cry! I’m glad you are loving SF 🙂 I miss you and want to visit again (duh) and have you come home to visit!!

    Reply
  4. ❤ Yay for chasing dreams and being awesome! And I need to go visit again!

    Reply

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